In former years I felt too ugly or stupid to leave the house, on bad days I can still experience these feelings. Nevertheless, I learned that the things I used to not like about myself and sharing these emotions have brought me closer to the people I hold dear. Instead of scaring them away, I let them in...
Oftentimes people think that because I'm a model I'm self-confident. People might also think I'm arrogant because I can be quiet and introverted.
Most definitely I'm insecure, perhaps because of this. just because you can't see it on the outside, doesn't mean I don't have these feelings.
I feel guilty a lot. I suffer from an 'it's-my-fault' complex. I feel guilty when I'm feeling bad about myself, I know people don't find me stupid and a horrible person to be with, which spirals me into a world of more bad feelings.
Luckily, I trust myself now and know that I'm alright and that it's not my fault when things aren't going the way they should. I'm not saying 'I'm sorry' that often anymore. I don't have to apologise for my existence and my choices.
I'm feeling so much better about myself nowadays, this is because of all the sweet people around me. I would have never thought that I could have these many friends. I gained them by being open about my feelings, so if I could give any advice, however cliche it might sound: please lay bare your feelings and emotions. It will bring you closer to the people you value in life.
14 August, 2017